Spiky mullets, spandex-infused jeans for men and European carryalls: Just because it’s cool in Europe doesn’t mean it’s cool in the land of the free and the home of the bailout.

At least that’s the argument Smart USA doesn’t want to hear. The product of an early collaboration between Mercedes-Benz and quirky Swiss watchmaker Swatch, the diminutive Smart Fortwo is as ingrained in modern European urban scenery as eager pigeons and tacky graffiti.

The second-generation Smart Fortwo has been on sale in the United States since early 2008, and while it’s no longer this season’s must have, sales appear to be leveling off at a respectable 15,000 annual unit rate.

What is it?
With a wheelbase about 25 inches shorter than Lance Armstrong’s Trek Madone bicycle, calling the Fourtwo a little ride is an understatement. It’s positively diminutive, which means it can squeeze in where only rickshaws and poodles dare go.

Capable of seating two – hence the oh-so-cute name – the Fortwo is actually safer than it looks. It boasts an incredibly strong safety cage, and although it lacks the energy-absorbing crumple zones you’ll find in any other car, it has proven itself in various real-world crash tests.

Though numerous gray market Smarts have found their way here since the car was first launched in Europe in 1998, the first official effort came last year when auto industry conglomerate and city of Detroit proponent Roger Penske signed on with Daimler as the exclusive American distributor. Since then, new Smarts can be found mostly in showrooms accompanying Mercedes-Benz outlets.

To make the car comply with U.S. regulations, a naturally-aspirated Mitsubishi three-cylinder was installed in place of the turbocharged gasoline or diesel units engineered by Mercedes-Benz.

Our tester was the highest-level Smart an American can buy: The Passion cabriolet.

What’s it up against?
We talked to a number of Smart owners during our week long evaluation and found that an unusually large number of them had previously owned Chrysler PT Cruisers. Take that as you want.

For style-conscious urban motoring, the Smart’s only real rival is a Mini Cooper, although that British pop sensation seats four and follows a much more traditional motoring form. Should Toyota decide to import the barely four-seater iQ as a Scion, buyers will immediately notice the similarities to the Fortwo.

Any breakthroughs?
Aside from the obvious packaging achievements, such as mounting the little three-banger (there’s a phrase we don’t use often) below the cargo area, and the intense tridion safety cage, the Smart is actually fairly conventional. Buyers can change their Smart’s color with relative ease if they so desire by buying new plastic body panels, although the basic safety cage will always remain black or silver unless it is repainted.

How does it look?
It’s cute, there’s no denying that. Tall in stature but short in girth, the Smart reminds us of those miniature Air Jordan shoes well-funded parents buy their style-conscious rugrats.

Even a year and a half after its introduction, the Fortwo elicited “oohs,” “ahhs” and phrases like “it’s so adorable” from pedestrians of various shapes, sizes, ages and genders – even in trendy parts of town where a hot pink Bentley Supersports with Simon Cowell at the helm wouldn’t invoke a second glance.

Designed to have more of a face than most cars, aside from Mazda’s latest gleeful creations, even the biggest downer can’t help but be cheered up by looking at a perky Fortwo. Projector headlamps up front – a nice feature for a budget ride – combine with the swept-back headlamps and open grille to give a Hello Kitty-like grin to the little coupe.

The big side doors allow for easy entry and exit, while a flop down rear cargo door means putting the two or three bags of groceries that fit back there is a cinch. Our tester’s two-stage, power-retractable black cloth soft top folded back at the push of a button to reveal an open roof, but the side rails that make up the safety cage remain.

And on the inside?
Few can complain much about the Fortwo’s passenger space. Aside from a slightly narrow feel and some limited passenger leg room, the Fortwo’s cabin is airy and actually quite comfortable. Firmly padded seats sit up high off the ground, while tall side windows provide a great view out – or in, which could be a detriment for those adverse to being seen in a cutesy ride.

The dashboard borrows some Mercedes-Benz switchgear design but is mostly an organic, unique style that more or less follows the first Fortwo’s act. The pair of optional boggle-eyed gauges that sprout up from the center of the dashboard are at odds with the utterly conventional double-DIN AM/FM/CD audio system below the vents. With all the wacky stereos we’ve seen lately, this one, which isn’t even satellite-capable, disappoints.

Materials are cheap but mostly cheerful. There’s not a soft touch piece anywhere, and the supposed leather that wraps the steering wheel and gear knob obviously came from a rare Swahili Rubberized Cow. Shame on Smart for killing those endangered creatures. At least no innocent animals died for the ’80s-style fabric that covers the dash and door panels. The look is both repulsive and engaging at the same time. It works well here, although since Swatch pulled out of the partnership, we think the funk factor has dropped a little.

Ergonomically speaking, the interior works well enough with two exceptions: The door armrests are too narrow to use and the glove compartment auxiliary input jack for an iPod or music player means the flop down door must remain open in order to keep the player where users can change songs.

But does it go?
Bar none, The Smart Fortwo contains the absolute least-refined powerplant available in a passenger car sold in the U.S.

Rough and gruff at all speeds, the little Mitsubishi-sourced engine (which is actually used in the gasoline version of the new MiEV) shakes the Smart and transmits every bit of its growl into the cabin despite a thick sound deadening pad over the engine bay. To top it all off, the pad does a mediocre job of keeping heat out, so your groceries will be nice and toasty by the time you arrive home. Great for Popeye’s Chicken, bad for milk.

Despite cranking out just 70 horspower and 68 lb-ft. of torque from its 1.0-liters of pure fury, our test Fortwo did actually move along at a reasonable clip. The power peaks high in the rev band, so highway passing required a downshift, but the Fortwo kept up well in traffic. Smart says it hits 60 mph in around 13 seconds, but the Fortwo actually felt quicker than its numbers imply.

Its relative punch wasn’t aided by its transmission, though. The five-speed automated manual unit, which has actually been reprogrammed since the car’s launch last year, provided neck-snapping, vehicle-lurching, Slurpee-spilling, cookie-tossing shifts when left in its automatic position. Switched over to manual mode, the shifts became much more refined, although unlike a sequential-style shifter you can find on most new automatic transmission, the Fortwo’s requires you to drive it like you would a stick. That means you’ll have to let off of the gas between shifts to avoid rocking the boat. Smart’s salespeople must be pretty good talkers because we know this necessary reliance on the manual transmission could talk many an automatic-only customer out of an intended purchase.

Despite our sloppy shifting, we saw fuel economy numbers that were on par with the 33 mpg city and 41 mpg highway the EPA suggests. Do note that the Fortwo requires premium fuel.

With the short 73.5-inch wheelbase and a set of staggered, run-flat 15-inch tires, the Fortwo transmitted every bump through to the interior, although we found the overall ride quality acceptably firm and controlled. McPherson struts help things out up front, while a DeDion axle with telescoping shocks smooth out the tail end.

That short wheelbase also helps give the Fortwo its immense tossability. The steering on our tester was quick, if not especially communicative, meaning we can apply the overused “go-kart-like-handling” phrase here.

A button just forward of the gear lever drops the roof in two stages; massive sunroof or full say-goodbye-to-the-roof-style. Al fresco driving fits the Fortwo’s spirit, but any sense of structural rigidity left the building when the Cabriolet was born. The Fortwo rattled and shook over bumps in ways we haven’t seen on a droptop in decades. Our experiences with the standard fixed-roof Fortwos have shown it to posses remarkable solidity, however.

Why you would buy it:
You’re a style-conscious city dweller who will wait long enough for the salesman to explain the paddle shifters.
 
Why you wouldn’t:
A 2010 Volkswagen Golf TDI gets better fuel economy, even if it doesn’t fit in as many parking spots.

Leftlane’s bottom line
For most Americans, the Fortwo is a fashion statement – nothing more, nothing less. Even if you can’t legally park it nose or tail in in most U.S. jurisdictions (not that it stopped us from our photo opp), only some urbanites will relish its tight-quarters maneuverability. With the comparatively refined turbodiesel sold overseas, the Fortwo is capable of an astounding 71 mpg in the combined cycle. That Smart makes sense. Our Smart seems sorta, well, dumb. Maybe it’s time to grow out the Euromullet.

2009 Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet base price, $16,990. As tested, $18,605.
Blue metallic paint, $225; Silver safety cage, $175; Additional instruments, $120; Power steering, $450; Destination, $645.

Words and photos by Andrew Ganz.

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